“Sometimes it takes awhile to fully embrace that I needed and wanted to move on.”
By Charlene Stevens, City Administrator – Cottage Grove, MN
I have worked in local government since 1996 and been fortunate to have good mentors and good opportunities. I was by most reasonable accounts a good manager and a solid professional. Yet, in April of this past year, I found myself “in transition.” The story is long and full of drama, but “what happened” isn’t really as important as “where I am now.”
I felt like I had let down everyone. I had relocated my family for that job. My husband and I have three young sons (ages 12, 8 and 7). We had all invested a lot in the community and had lots of connections. I also provided the primary income for my family.
I spent a lot of time worrying about everyone else – husband, kids, and friends. I even considered options outside of local government that might let my family stay in the community and avoid disrupting them. It may sound crazy now, but I really did spend more time worrying about my 12 year old son and his baseball team than I did about my own career.
It took me awhile to fully embrace that I needed and wanted to move on. Yes, that meant disrupting three kids, a husband and a neurotic dog. Yes, it meant leaving behind many good friends and folks who had been there to support me. Yes…I was going to have to live through the logistics of moving once more with the added bonus of making that move mid-school year.
But, this what I learned:
I am stronger than I think. Despite wanting to just walk away or stay in bed and pull the covers over my head, I got up and started looking for a new job. I stopped considering a halfhearted career change and I stopped apologizing for wanting to leave. I stopped worrying what would happen to everyone else. I got my head and heart into the job search and landed the job I wanted in the community I wanted.
My friends are awesome! They came through when I needed them most. They were the ones who said “WHEN, (not if) you get another job, it is going to be so much better for you.” They were also the ones who helped me prepare for interviews and brought wine and chocolate when necessary.
Change is good. I actually knew this before, but I had forgotten. Being City Administrator for Cottage Grove is terrific! The organization is a 180 from where I was and I am having fun again.
Change is hard (duh). My kids have made it through one week in their new schools and there have been tears, anxiety and loneliness. My husband is job hunting again. I have to find a new hairstylist, new doctors, dentists, child sitters and everything else. It is two weeks before Christmas and we have boxes everywhere. It wears me down.
My kids are amazing! They have hung in there through the last six months, two of those months seeing me only on weekends. They are not happy (see above), but they genuinely wanted their mom to be happy at work again.
My husband is pretty great too. He was there with a bottle of wine and hug after I lost my job. He agreed to move to a new community sight unseen because he knew it was right. He also managed most of the logistics of the move and nothing really bad happened. He is dutifully still unpacking boxes. He even learned to cook over the last few months…as long as it goes in a casserole or crockpot!
I didn’t let anyone down. Under some really difficult circumstances, I kept my professionalism and integrity. There are worse things that could happen.
Look forward, not back. I spent six months figuring out “where do I go next?” and on my wall hangs a picture that says “Wherever you go, go with all your heart”…a gift from a friend and a reminder to put your heart into your future and GO! It really will be OK and you will find yourself again.
