By Mary Van Milligen, City of Woodbury, MN
For a time, and to be honest with myself (and you) – still to this day, I find myself volunteering first and far more frequently at work and at home. Results are important to me and if no one else is going to do it, well then I guess I’ll do it myself! My balancing and juggling a dozen plus priorities has worked for me for a long time. It’s gotten me here, right!? The truth is it does work, until it doesn’t….
The article below speaks to how at times in women’s quest to help others, we sacrifice ourselves and the impact that can have on our careers. The truth is our volunteering to ‘help’ actually just leads to burnout and may be hurting us. This doesn’t seem so obvious in the moment but at the end of the week, when I look back and I missed weight lifting on Tuesday and skip yoga class because I’m just too tired from the week – that’s a sure sign that I’ve been sacrificing myself. This behavior negatively impacts us, our families and our work – my goal for this year is finding ways to put myself first so I can show up as fully present in all parts of my life: health, home, fun and work!
“ Numerous studies showing that women (and men) achieve the highest performance and experience the lowest burnout when they prioritize their own needs along with the needs of others. By putting self-concern on par with concern for others, women may feel less altruistic, but they’re able to gain more influence and sustain more energy. Ultimately, they can actually give more.”
Some methods I’m putting into place to make this happen:
- I let me partner know that I’m going to be helping less and he needs to step-up. I thought he was going to be disappointed. I was wrong… his response – it’s about time, can you make me a list of how I can help!?
- Working in Public Works, I have created systems so I deal with this less often. For example, I have introduced a system for rotating meeting facilitators, which includes the responsibility for follow-up. This method has relieved me of the expectation and responsibility that I both impose on myself and my colleagues had become accustomed to.
- Putting aside the need to explain why I’m not volunteering this time. The gender stereotypes still get me, when I say no – at time people are not only surprised but miffed. I found myself circling back and explaining myself in an attempt to nurture relationships. When I stopped doing this – I found how unnecessary it is!
Does anyone else have methods for putting themselves first???
